To my little girl your 2nd Christmas:
Another Christmas is here and another Christmas that you are not. I am doing better this year but I still have cried for you. I think of you everyday. I talk to you everyday. But, you are not here to hold everyday.
I have come to the desicion that I am never going to ACCEPT what has happened. I think that any parent who has lost their child feels the same way to a certain extent. I wonder so often if you would do things like Gianna or totally opposite or if you would just say mama like she does. I am worried that she has only gained 8 ounces in 6 months and only has grown 1 inch in 6 months. I wonder if you would be the same.....
I am lost in this great big world without you to complete my life here on Earth. Where is it that you are? I would love to send my hugs, kisses and my heart to you to know that you have gotten it, but I have seemed to never have gotten your address. Can you send it to me? I will be waiting...
I have done some baking this year. I held a Cookie Exchange this year for the first time thinking that it would keep my mind here instead of in NeverNever Land. That didnt work. My mind cannot seem to stay on one thing anymore but the thought of where you are and what you are into now! Your sister loves to climb and get into things. I assume you are doing the same.
Please tell me baby, can you hear me when I talk to your sister. I talk to you when she is falling asleep. I whisper in her ear to tell you when she sees you, to give my love and kisses to you. She gets so many that I think I really give her double because half is yours. Adrianna loves to talk about you. She knows that you are in Heaven. Do you come and talk to her too? I wish that I knew for sure. I would love to be her.
Do you like Mickey? Gianna loves Mickey. You two will have a Mickey birthday this year. I put your name on the cake last year and you will be on again this year. I havent decided how to do your cake yet, but give me time. I will do it up this year and you will be proud of me. Gianna can scream pretty good and will be your voice too. I think she already is loud because she is making up for you. :o)
I will let you go back to helping the new little angels. I know that you are great with other babies just like Gianna. She absolutly loves babies. I just want you to know that you are always on my mind and that I love you with 1/3 of my heart. (Your sisters have to other 2/3s) Please behave and show your manners and be a good little angel. Then maybe someday we can be together again soon. I love you baby and I miss you.
Holding you close this Christmas....
Mommy
